So I drifted onto Paul's Twitter, (y'know hoping to find some news about Paul's well-being) and what do I find, but a video of him and Rob Riggle posing as the new head's of the NFC South! What in the hell is going on?? I mean, it's all lies isn't it??
Fuck! Fuck. It. All.
The most obvious lie being that we all KNOW from the podcast that he and Rob aren't even friends! This is bullshit and there is only one explanation...
The man in that video is an LMF impostor! I don't know who this "Paul" is, but I think we all need to be on our guard. This shit has gotten real, and I am sure some subliminal LMF crap is being fed to us over the podcast.
This is a dire situation, and sadly, I think we all need to prepare for the worst...Paul may no longer be with us. Corporeally, I mean. Spiritually, forever. I only wish there was an emoji that could convey the sadness I feel. No Paul. No Stallone. The future looks bleak my friends. I'm talking--bleak in a young adult novel set in a dystopian future--bleak.
So Paul, if you are indeed still out there and somehow make it back to Wolfpop, please say that thing that only you would know so we can be sure it's you. You know the thing.
Meekellee is very VERY persuasive.
What makes you so sure that people will listen?
We will be heard!
The Farmland will be a wonderful place!
"We are not bad people."
If your group wants to be in any way associates with the United States Postal Service, I find this incredibly difficult to believe.
We are not bad people.
Meekellee just speaks truths.
Aw yeah, wing sauce stains never come out of blouses! I like it.
Scheer Team Six (Minus Three) is a pretty sweet movie title, and I'd be fine with that. I came up with these, too:
The Scheer Ultimatum
Last Action Scheero
Ultimately, though, I think you nailed it, Cameron. As far as actors to play me, I've got it narrowed down to Charlie Hunnam or Jake Gyllenhaal.
Jon, this plan is fucking amazing! My only addition is, as I am running past Connie I want to just wipe my fingers (which will be saturated with hot sauce at this point) on the shoulders of her blouse. I imagine it is pretty nice, and those stains don't come out easily.
Now, the only thing we need to figure out is the title of the movie that will be based on the book that we are going to write. I propose, "Scheer Team six (minus three)," I am open to other suggestions. Also, start giving some thought about who you want playing you in the movie. I want to say maybe Theo James or Vin Diesel for me. Stallone can play as himself, as can Paul. I think Christopher Walken may be available to play Cody and Andy Dick can play Adam Sachs.
...hear you got some questions that need answerin', you know?"
That's the best I've got.
...are keeping Paul. Boom. Faked out. Once you discover the location, you head downstairs and grab Joe. It will be easy to slip away, because there will be a HEATED Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 tournament happening by that time, and no LMF members will even be paying attention to anything else! Then you grab Paul, and head back to the exit. You will likely encounter Connie again at that point. However, the roar from all of the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 will be so deafening at that moment, her orders to seize you three will not even be recognized. You blow past her, and Cameron, you say, "Looks like YOU'RE the one who could use a DRINK, CONNIE," on the way out. Then, the three of you pile onto my bike, and I pedal us outta there, FAST. We get back safely, Paul gets the show back on track, Engineer Cody confesses and goes to prison, and we sit around and high-five for a while. Until---
The door swings open. A booming voice freezes us in place as we practice a four-person high-five---
Hmm....I wonder if Cody wanted the hosting job for this show, and was just trying to get Paul out of the way THE WHOLE TIME?? I think we're entitled to some answers, here.
In the meantime, how's this for a plan: Cameron and Joe, we get you inside the LMF. Joe, we set you up with Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 on a HUGE TV in the lobby, and you ask everyone who passes by to play. After a while, a crowd will form, and a bunch of LMF members will be watching and playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3. Boom. Distracted. Then, Cameron, we get you in a meeting with Connie, as a potential new member. You will bring five to six HUGE hot wings into the meeting, the super-spicy kind. As Connie is giving her pitch, you happily eat the wings. But then, you act like they are just too hot! This will be made evident by grabbing at your throat and saying "Whew, these babies are BLAZING HOT! I'm in trouble here!" Connie will run to get you a glass of water. That's when you search the office to find out where they
Damn straight it is, Joe!
I'm pretty good at Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3. Is that helpful?
And Jon, riding a bike really fast is a pretty useful skill! As for me, I can eat like six really spicy Buffalo wings in a row. I mean, not without water or anything, but I could do it in one sitting.
Does anyone else have anything we could use? If we can combine all our talents, I am pretty confident we can get him out of there.
Your right, Jon. Of course, you are right. I definitely think Riggle is involved, but I think we all know who is really behind this whole thing (HINT: It is not Adam Sachs. He is at best a high profile puppet) for the real culprits: the WolfPop engineers. Specifically, Cody who played that audio of Paul and June when he knew he shouldn't have. I don't know why they would do this, but they created a situation for Paul that made him doubt his direction, fostered loneliness, and left him depressed. You didn't think we'd find out did you??
I think this Robert Riggle might be in on the whole thing, to be honest. It all looked like good, innocent fun, with the funny voices, and the singing, and the references I didn't get....but something seemed a little fishy. Regardless, we all have to remain strong for Paul. It's what he would want most, aside from a visit from Stallone, and maybe some food. If only we could orchestrate an Expendables-style rescue....but I'm afraid I'm not equipped in the bi and/or tri department. I can ride a bike pretty fast, though!
I don't know.